Yup - we're still talking about the magic of poo ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
We've sipped cat crap coffee, nibbled on yak-dung cheese, and now—at long last—we arrive at the final frontier of feces: beauty treatments. Yes, friends, people are not only eating this stuff—they're smearing it on their faces in the name of glowing skin, eternal youth, and what I can only assume is deeply repressed trauma. From powdered bird droppings once favored by geishas to snail slime with a suspicious backstory, today's Poo Files finale dives face-first into the spa treatments nobody asked for—but everyone weirdly swears by. You wanted dewy. You're getting doo-doo. | | It sounds like a weird sushi roll, but it's actually a centuries-old beauty secret. Japanese geishas used nightingale droppings—yes, bird poop—as exfoliating face masks. Today's version is sterilized and powdered (thank god) and packed with enzymes that literally give you that shit-glow. | | Ayurvedic beauty said: why waste a good cow pie? Dried, purified cow dung is mixed into soaps, face masks, and lotions in India, all believed to purify and rejuvenate skin. It's earthy, it's ancient, and it's a bold mood. | | You've heard of snail mucin in Korean skincare, but did you know some products use snail poop extract? That slimy little turd trail is actually packed with enzymes, zinc, and glow-boosting goodness. Snails: slow-moving skincare queens. | | High-end spas sometimes use bat poop (aka guano) in face masks, especially from fruit bats. Why? It's loaded with nitrogen and bacteria your skin loves. So next time you're spelunking, think "facial, not fatal." | | Cleopatra didn't just bathe in milk—she was out here slathering donkey dung on her face. Apparently it helped with wrinkles and skin tone. If it's good enough for the Queen of the Nile, maybe it's good enough for our laugh lines? | |
We've come to the end of our Crap Chronicles.
If you're glowing, you're welcome. If you're traumatized... also fair.
I let Nutasha rub nightingale poop on my forehead "just to try it." Now she's calling herself a skincare shaman and offering guano facials out of our tree.
If you need me, I'll be hiding behind a leaf mask and pretending this never happened. | | P.S. Nutasha wants to launch a skincare line called "Glow From Below." I told her we're already on thin ice with the neighborhood raccoons. | | Wait… Really? You're already looking for the Unsubscribe. button? Well, just know we have a pigeon army, and they WILL find you. But go ahead… Hit that button and see what happens.
| | | | |
Ni komentarjev:
Objavite komentar