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September 1 is International Primate Day-a day to celebrate our
tree-swinging, banana-stealing, endlessly fascinating cousins. From tiny tarsiers to mighty gorillas, primates are basically the family members we invite to the reunion… but who might also throw mashed potatoes at you.
Here are 6 nutty facts about primates that'll
make you love them even more: | | Mandrills-the largest monkeys-have such colorful faces they look like they're wearing Mardi Gras makeup.
And fun fact: the brighter the face, the more dominant the dude. Basically, their Tinder profile is just their nose. Imagine having your dating success depend entirely on how neon your face paint looks-no pressure, fellas. | | A gorilla can lift over ten times its body weight. That's like you casually bench-pressing a small car while still holding your latte. Next time you're struggling with grocery bags, just know a gorilla could haul your entire Trader Joe's trunk in one trip. | | Chimpanzees are crafty little geniuses. They use sticks to fish termites out of mounds, rocks to crack nuts, and sometimes-get this-leaves as napkins. Basically, they were running "DIY Life Hacks" before YouTube was even a twinkle in the internet's eye. | | Vervet monkeys have different alarm calls for different predators. One call means "snake incoming!" another means "eagle overhead!" It's like living inside a group chat where every ping is either mild panic or full-blown apocalypse. | | Orangutans build elaborate nests in trees every single night-basically luxury treehouses with a fresh branch mattress.
They're the original Airbnb superhosts, only they never charge cleaning fees. | | Humans and primates share a shocking amount of DNA-about 98-99% with chimpanzees and bonobos, and 96-97% with gorillas. That means genetically speaking, you're basically a chimp with Wi-Fi. We went on to build TikTok, they perfected termite-fishing sticks-but the family resemblance is undeniable. | | So, this Primate Day, raise a banana (organic, fair-trade, obvi) to our hairy, hilarious relatives.
And remember: whether you're slinging from
a tree or just slinging snacks on your couch, we're all part of the
primate family. Fun fact, yours truly once tried to join the monkey troop… until Nutasha reminded me I can't swing from trees without pulling a tail muscle. She says we'll stick to banana pancakes at home instead-less chance of me ending up in a neck brace. Your Friend, | | The "not-so-closely-related-to-a-monkey" squirrel | | Wait… Really? You're already looking for the Unsubscribe. button? Well, just know we have a pigeon army, and they WILL find you. But go ahead… Hit that button and see what happens.
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